Saturday, June 12, 2010

Farting etiquette...

Whatever size, form or shape, toilet humor has always brought a smile to people’s faces.

So, even if someone does not like the idea of a whole post on Farting Etiquette, what the fart? I’ll still write it.

Mankind (yes not womankind, but strictly mankind) have always harbored an admiration for the powerful forces of nature.

Wind energy is the next best thing to fossil fuels, and as long as there’s food and men (and a combination of men who hog food) on the planet, there will be farts (well what i mean here is public farting).

Breaking wind is an essential fart of human nature. The fart of the matter is, no one can hold it any longer than 2 hours. This is scientifically proven at the Mirror-Cracked labs.

But then there are certain etiquettes when it comes to unleashing our wind upon the unsuspecting public, and not many men adhere to it.

Well, I think am wrong - no man has ever adhered to it, and no man ever will!!!

So here is my helping hand to all the men with a guide which can help themselves aware of what needs to be done, when they cannot hold it any longer.

Here are few tips on how to behave while farting:

  • If you’re alone, then let it out loudly, smile and say, “Wow, what a fart!”
  • If in a meeting with 4 or more people and you very quietly let loose, then slowly start pushing your chair away from the person sitting next to you and give him/her a dirty look. Others will follow suit. This technique is called Farting The Blame.
  • If you’re standing in a crowded bus, then make sure that you start pushing your way through the crowd slowly but steadily, moving towards the door, while farting quietly, so that the stink is distributed evenly throughout the length of the bus. (Not applicable outside India)
  • If you’re with a girlfriend and you realize that you have to break wind, then play some music and tell your partner that you’ll dance for her. Unleash the wind energy quietly while dancing. She will never know. It’s easier for smokers - they can just light up to kill the stink.
  • If you’re with someone who’s irritating you and you just want them to go away, then do the sonic-boom.

I sincerely hope this small but comprehensive guide helps people in di-stress.

Incase you need any formal demo, please get in touch with my dad!!


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